MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU?

by Chris Joseph

As a citizen of a nation where "Have a nice day" is now heard less often than "Livin’ la vida loca" (which, loosely translated means, "I dance this way because my shorts ride up"), I was surprised to see that a few new English words have officially entered the lexicon.

I know–you’ve probably been too busy trying to figure out how to select the correct language option on those confounding phone trees to even notice.

So, with the help of dictionary.com and merriam-webster.com, I hope to enlighten you by providing the definition for a few of these new words, then attempt to use them in their proper context. (Note: I will print the Spanish translation for this column as soon as I’ve finished watching "La Chica Caliente" on Univision):

1. Chick flick-a movie intended for and marketed to females, with themes, characters, or events more likely to appeal to women than men.

"Hey Earl, I’m fixin’ to have a romantic evening with Marge. I’m gonna take her to a nice, candlelit tractor pull, then to the movies. You think she’d like ‘Death by Disembowelment’"?

"Nah, Lester. You need to take her to a chick flick–one of them sweet love stories with lotsa kissin’ and cuddlin’ and stuff. You know, somethin’ like ‘Fatal Attraction.’"

2.Civil union-a legally recognized and voluntary union of adult parties of the same sex.

"Boy, I sure was happy that Prince Charles and Camille finally tied the knot."

"Yeah, it’s about time that England allowed civil unions."

3. Steganography-the art of writing in cipher, or in characters which are not intelligible, except to persons who have the key.

"Mr. President, we’ll be able to start the Cabinet meeting as soon as we can find somebody to take the minutes."

"Dang! Why is it so hard to find a steganographer when you really need one?"

4. Cybrarian-a librarian who uses computers and the Internet for their work.

"Excuse me–are you the cybrarian here? I need help finding a couple of educational Web sites: ‘Naughty Nannies’ and ‘French Maids in Bondage’. . . What do you mean, ‘Sh-h-h-h’"?

5. Amuse-bouche-a small, complimentary appetizer offered at some restaurants.

"Sir, for a lovely amouse-bouche, I highly recommend the Braised Spam Nuggets a la Cheese Wiz. It has a poignant, dead-rodent-like bouquet, which would nicely complement your Boone’s Farm Snow Creek Berry."

6. Wi-Fi (certification mark)-used to certify the interoperability of wireless computer networking devices.

"I’m sick of having to go to Starbucks for a Wi-Fi hotspot. Yesterday, some Springsteen wannabe knocked my Triple Caramel Macchiato all over my brand new laptop. I’m out five bucks!"

7. Hospitalist-a physician who specializes in treating hospitalized patients of other physicians in order to minimize the number of hospital visits by other physicians. (Got that?)

"Mr. Perkins, this is our hospitalist, Dr. Butterfingers. He’ll be filling in for our regular brain surgeon, who has a critical golf date this morning. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands. While Dr. Butterfingers has no formal medical training, he did come highly recommended by a Dr. Kevorkian."

8. Bikini wax-a discreet technique in which body hair is removed with a hot-wax treatment.

"Have you decided what to get Grandma for her 90^th birthday?"

"Well, since you’re getting her that thong swimsuit, I thought I’d get her a coupon for a free bikini wax."

9. Zaibatsu-a powerful financial and industrial conglomerate of Japan.

"I can’t believe my job is being outsourced to that powerful Japanese zaibatsu. What will I do now? . . . Wait a minute, I can always get a job teaching English as a second language."

For a FREE subscription click here.