Here are some world-changing events that are so obscure you're probably not even aware of them, in large part because I pretty much made them up.
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1992-A voter in Topeka, Kansas officially changes his status from "undecided" to "disinterested."
1984-The first documented crack whore exchanges sex for drugs in the backseat of a Chevy Impala in downtown Los Angeles.
1975-Edna Doughty, wife of Wonder Bread inventor Spurgeon Doughty, dies suddenly at age 56 due to complications from a yeast infection.
1964-During his acceptance speech following his landslide victory over Barry Goldwater, President Lyndon Johnson is interrupted 82 times--35 times by wild applause, and 47 times by his own flatulence due to the 3 chili dogs he wolfed down just before taking the podium.
1953-A bedroom scene from the hit comedy I Love Lucy reveals that Lucy and Ricky Riccardo sleep in separate twin beds, which leads one to believe that Little Ricky was probably adopted.
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1972-In what is believed to be the first interracial marriage between fictional spokespeople, Uncle Sam weds Aunt Jemima in a Las Vegas chapel.
1969-After a brief and unsuccessful trial, toy manufacturer Mattel pulls Prostitute Barbie from the market.
1962-Taping of the popular television series "Leave it to Beaver" is temporarily interrupted when the set is picketed by a colony of actual beavers who are demanding a percentage of the show's advertising revenue.
1890-The "Gay 90's" officially commences when two men are spotted making out in the back of a cable car in San Francisco.
1777-George Washington makes an emergency call to Terminix after Redcoat termites threaten to whittle his wooden teeth down to wispy slivers.
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1991-Beloved commercial spokesman Ty-D-Bol Man is lost at sea when his motorboat collides with a massive turdberg about 10 miles south of the Crapolis Islands.
1986-Caving to pressure from Jesse Jackson's Rainbow Coalition, the Dalai Lama legally changes his name to LeRon Jefferson.
1949-In a moment of weakness, President Harry S. Truman passes the buck to a lowly staff member.
1937-The Great Depression is officially reduced to Down in the Dumps.
1919-Congress passes a resolution canceling the month of July due to lack of interest.
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